Bad Dreams

Sobotka: "You know what the trouble is, Brucey? We used to make shit in this country, build shit. Now we just put our hand in the next guy's pocket."

I spent the evening firmly planted on my ass, burrito wrapped on Pat's couch, watching the greatest show ever. 

Thursday night Wire time suck.

Agathokakologicallalalalalalaaaa

Nobody says "I want to be a word nerd" when I grow up. I know I certainly didn't. But I have always been fascinated with words. In first grade I received an award for spelling every single word on every sing test correctly, all year long. Who cares if the majority of first grade spelling lists mostly include the classic CVC words such as bat, cat, pat, rat?! Even then I knew to take victories wherever I could get 'em.

My word nerdiness took a turn for the awesome when I started doing crossword puzzles during break time in between teaching classes. Initially, the crosswords were a way for me to avoid my evil boss, Ruth, who sat perched, sans shoes, in her (very squishy) rolly chair, trilling orders at all the English teachers in the room. This woman was the embodiment of harpy and I had little patience for her bitching. Besides, I had plenty of my own complaining to do. Very quickly, however, I realized how much I loved working every crossword and giving myself a big penciled star upon completion. At some point, I even started noting any unfamiliar words and saving them in a mini notepad I christened my Word Nerd book. When I couldn't finish a crossword, I'd stuff it in my purse and save it for later perusal, usually on the bus or subway. On Fridays I'd print off multiple crosswords, knowing my weekend would be full of commuting. It became an excellent source of education and entertainment -- edutainment (a portmanteau, if you didn't know).

Which brings me to now. A few months ago I told Pat of my word nerd book. Of course he took every opportunity to badger me, proclaiming me just as nerdy as himself. (This, however, would be nearly impossible, as Patrick is the ultimate NYERD.) Inside, however, I suspect he was giddy, because on Christmas Eve he presented me with three rectangular packages. BOOKS. So obvious. But I'm a book lover, so it was a natural choice. However, one book in particular has tickled my fancy a great deal -- Word Nerd - More Than 17,000 Fascinating Facts About Words by Barbara Ann Kipfer. This book is SO FUCKING AWESOME! It's like the coolest dictionary ever, arranged alphabetically and full of facts, roots, common words, weird words, outdated words -- the works. Like any good student, I've taken to reading it in order, front to back, always with highlighter in hand. Wanna read some of my favorites?

Abligurition is the damn story of my life -- squandering my money on treats and comfort food

I like to think my students find me abubble -- full of excitement and enthusiasm

You all know I love an acomous head -- a cute word for bald

Did you know both eggs and brains are capable of being addled? An addled brain is mixed up; an addled egg is rotten. Addled also refers to mental confusion, while muddled is anything confused or messy.

Good writing on a trivial subject? Adoxography it is!

I have often used the word inadvertent (made through lack of planning). I have never found occasion for advertent (giving attention; heedful).

Did you know that aficionado means amateur in Spanish? Yeah, me neither.

Try this mouthful: agathokakological. Means made of good and evil.

There is an entire branch of philosophy dedicated to the study of human ignorance called Agnoiology.

All-overish sounds like a term my kindergarteners would use to describe coloring. For adults it relays a slight feeling of indisposition.

Did you know Amazon.com was so named because the founder wanted the store's inventory to be as deep and wide as the Amazon river?

An unpronounced letter or letter combination is an aphthong.

And my favorite find of the day? Anus. It's latin for ring (because of course it is.)

2013 -- the Great Leap Forward

I am really quite terrible at New Year's resolutions. Follow through in general is just, you know, really fucking hard. That being said, I'ma go ahead and make some anyway (because apparently in 2013 I am a masochist). And because I really am so very selfish and care mostly about my own damn sanity, I'm going to challenge myself to blog everyday for the month of January. The grad school process is winding down, but winter is just getting started, y'all, so I need something to occupy my time (and mind). 

I have a few other resolutions on the back burner, but I'm gonna save those for future blog fodder. You can thank me later.

So for today, a retrospect.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Welp. I studied diligently for the GRE, and in a jangled up ball of nerves and stress, took the test in June. In an attempt to spend more time with my dad, I took up golfing. I'm really quite terrible at golfing, but I am very good at talking shit and drinking beer, so I put this one in the win category. I took a jewelry making class (which, again, was mostly me talking shit and drinking, while oohing and ahhing over Lindsay's newfound talent). 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Hmmm, that's a good question. I'm not so sure I made any definitive New Year's resolutions for 2012, but very early on in the year, around February, I made the very conscious decision to live HERE. As in, be present in my current location. A steady stream of updates, photos, and headlines from Korea were a constant mindfuck for me, making it very hard to feel settled and content. So I decided to turn off the noise and live in the now. It was a spectacularly positive choice. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ew. Maybe. I don't remember. Babies creep me out.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Unfortunately, yes. Seems this happens more often the older I get...

5. What countries did you visit? 
I was firmly grounded in the USA. And after three years living abroad, I am fine with that. (For now!)

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Buy In. I'm working on it...

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Christmas Eve, but I'm keeping that one to myself.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Follow through. Yes. Definitely.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Sugar detox. Lack of sugar makes me a raging bitch, so I'll take this failure as a win for everyone else. :)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had an awesome case of summer strep -- TWICE. Other than contracting every single germ from my little monsters, I managed to remain relatively illness free.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I really, REALLY want to say my blue Hanes sweatpants. They are warm and cozy, and made a helluva Halloween costume. And did I mention how fashionable they are? Best $8 I've ever spent. 

See? Aren't they just the BEST?!

*Parenthetically, the best purchase I made this year was probably a smartphone. Although my little candy bar Samsung was a speedy asset at trivia night, I took the great leap forward to 2008 and bought myself a shiny new (slow) LG. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
All my students!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I'm sure there were many, but I seem to have conveniently forgotten them all.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and beer, as per usual

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The prospect of change

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Justin Bieber's Boyfriend. Haters to the left.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
Happier. So much happier. So much so, that the rest doesn't really matter.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
If wishes were fishes, we'd all be whales.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Overthinking. Always.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In the best way possible -- eating, drinking, and generally creating merriment!

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I think I have fallen in love with all that is possible in the coming year.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
I like to think I'm one of those people who gets to say, "Oh, I don't watch TV", because, really, I don't. But I do sit in front of my computer for more time than is probably healthy, so... Oh, and the Daily Show. 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate? No. Have made a conscious decision to avoid? Absolutely.

24. What was the best book you read?
So many books, so little time. I did, however, very much enjoy Nothing to Envy by Barabara Demick. 
--"Demick follows the lives of six people: a couple of teenaged lovers courting in secret, an idealistic woman doctor,  a homeless boy, a model factory worker who loves Kim Il Sung more than her own family and her rebellious daughter." It was an excellent look at the everyday lives of North Koreans.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Spotify. How very fantastic it has been to listen to all the music, all the time.

26. What did you want and get?
In 2012, I was very much searching for piece of mind, community, a sense of belonging, focus, and contentedness. I think, I THINK, I have managed to find all of those things.

27. What did you want and not get?
It's good to want things.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I watched a lot of movies. I also "watched" a lot of movies. I don't know -- Batman?
*Follow through, follow through, follow through!

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Got my shit together and threw myself a sweet 16 x 2 luau. This is what happens when you are a child-free adult.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A couple hundred more square feet.

31. What kept you sane?
You mean who -- Melissa, Erica, and Patrick

32. Who was the best new person you met?
I'm cheating on this question, but let me explain why. Although I met a handful of new people in 2012, it generally takes me a very long time to feel as though I intimately know someone. With that being said, the best new people I met were those whom I already knew and took the time to get to know a little bit better. In Melissa I found an excellent listener, a keen observer, and an enthusiastic cheerleader. In Erica I found a passionate and opinionated conversational wizard. And she's fucking funny as hell. In Pat I found a partner in crime, a confident, and, let's be honest, a dancing monkey.

33. Valuable life lesson you learned in 2012?
"I realized that so much of this 'being present' business is simply telling the negative voices in your head to shut the fuck up." -- YUP

WHEW! Here's to 2013!

Nickel and Dimed

Maybe I should start a Kickstarter fund entitled "Help Mindy Pay for the Grad School Admissions Process" because GODDAMN I am being nickel and dimed to death!

• $35 for the damn ETS GRE study guide (which, btw, is a total fucking scam)
• $175 for the actual test
• $10 for EACH copy of official transcripts. (And screw you Indiana for requiring TWO copies!)
• $25 for each additional copy of my GRE score sent to all the schools I didn't know I maybe wanted to attend

AND

• $55-$75 PER SCHOOL JUST TO APPLY

Add to that the countless cups of Dawson's coffee I have consumed, and I have already spent a small fortune. I guess it's a good thang I'm used to being poor. Makes it that much easier to swallow an out-of-state grad school price tag...

Think More About Sex!

http://www.salon.com/2012/12/22/think_more_about_sex/

“The more closely we analyze what we consider ‘sexy,’ the more clearly we will understand that eroticism is the feeling of excitement we experience at finding another human being who shares our values and our sense of the meaning of existence.”

Sex is on my mind. CLEARLY.

Giving Thanks, 2012

Wow. So in the time that I have taken an (apparent) hiatus, Blogger has completely reconfigured their interface. Good on you, Blogger. Sometimes change is good.

As per usual, I am about a week and change late on this whole giving thanks blog post. But really, since blogging is evidently not my thang anymore, I have been feeling conflicted about putting my thanks out into the universe. Like, maybe I don't deserve for others to hear my thanks. I mean, who am I to think anyone (beyond my mother) even still takes the time to read this bitch? But then I said FUCK IT. I am so incredibly thankful this year, that even if this post get sucked into the great nothingness, is swallowed up by the deepest and darkest of black holes, fades into obscurity, at least I will have proclaimed my thanks in a very public way. And really, isn't that the best way?

I don't even know where to start. So I guess I'll start here.

I know I say this every year, but I am so damn thankful for my mother. She is a rock. She is honest and insightful and thoughtful and shrewdly observant. I am neurotic. I am an overthinker. I am frustratingly ambivalent at times. And because of these awesome character traits, she and I have had an emotionally trying year. But she always manages to say the right thing, even if I'm not ready to hear it. I am so grateful for her presence, her compassion, and her unending support of my ridiculousness. Love you, mom!

I am forever thankful for my Dad and Stepmom, two people I could not possibly respect more.

*Sidenote: Thanks, Universe, for two super awesome and open-minded parents.

I am thankful for my Weekday Mistress, Casey the Human. Even though we both made it back to these United States in one piece, we do live 1500 miles apart. It is difficult to maintain a meaningful connection over time, let alone distance, however Casey is easily the most loyal friend I know. And although we do not get the chance to bitch it out over a bus ride and shitty Taco Bell, I know she, like Shakira, is available whenever, wherever. Plus, she is still willing to watch movies with me, even after this.

I am thankful for the unexpected. When I came home last year, I was so very sad to leave my Seoul Family. In three years I had managed to amass a fantastic circle of friends and although I still maintained contacts here at home, I did not expect to find that same sense of community. In the Land of the Living people have jobs, and families, and obligations that rarely include mid-week beer pong, No-Pants Sunday, and Monday night leg massages. Living in Seoul afforded me endless amounts of frivolity, sometimes masquerading as shared experience. But shared experience is something college students bond over, not grown-ass adults. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find a group of fantastic, like-minded individuals with whom I am incredibly content to share my experiences, and sometimes a bit of frivolity.

Two words: Erica Bangerter. This woman has single-handedly pushed me to be better harder faster stronger. I first met Erica at Ladies' Craft Night. I found her passionate and opinionated and maybe a little overwhelming. It wasn't until January, when she forced me to meet her for GRE study time, that I really took a moment to get to know her. Over the course of the first four months of 2012, Erica and I met faithfully every Sunday morning and Wednesday night in preparation for the GRE. In that time I had the pleasure of making a great friend. She is irreverent. She is whip smart, compassionate, and does not suffer the fool. She has a pure heart and cares a great deal for those she loves. I am so incredibly happy to count myself among them.

Two more words: Patrick Lopez. This guy, more than any other person on Earth, just gets me. He is my partner in crime. He is kind, and smart, and funny, but more than that, he is genuine. As social beings, we meet so many different individuals, both on the internets and in real life. Many of these people serve a specific purpose, filling a void or a niche, but their presence is fleeting. Some of them endear themselves to us just long enough to pass the threshold into true and great friendship. But very rarely does someone so completely nestle themselves into our hearts, as to render them totally irreplaceable. Pat has managed to do just that. And I am so excited to see what happens next.

Here's to 2013, the Great Leap Forward. (See? I told you I could work Chairman Mao into any joke.)

It's about the journey, dumbass

Winter is, by far, my least favorite time of year. Winter usually finds me all sorts of crabby and bitchy and woe-is-me. Hence, the TOTAL lack of bloggery. But today the sun is shining, the coffee is hot, and the cobwebs have been cleared from my brain.

I have spent the majority of the past two months (read: year, but who's counting?) reflecting on my time back here in the states. Everyday I have wavered on my decision to come home. Over the course of three years, Korea provided a certain level of comfort -- work, friends, and weekend plans all presented some predictability. But Korea also provided something I never knew I needed -- a sense of accomplishment. By uprooting my life here in these United States and moving 5,000 miles from friends, family, and anything remotely familiar, I felt a sense of independence that I never felt whilst living in Boise, Idaho. In Korea it was sink or swim -- make friends or be lonely; learn to read Hangul or forever be known as the ignorant foreigner; love kimchi or starve. Living as an outsider I was forced to adapt to new situations in order to make myself more comfortable (and sometimes that was fucking hard). I had to create my community, I had to learn how to teach -- in short, I had to manipulate my surroundings to make my life better. Each time I successfully navigated a new situation, my confidence got a little boost. Over time, those boosts added up. The result was a pretty confident Mindy.

Moving back to Boise, an environment with which I felt quite familiar, rarely provided those confidence-boosting opportunities. The last year has been one big drain on my confidence -- I was drawing on my reserves with each resume sent and each interview attended, but I wasn't able to bank any more confidence. That is to say, I wasn't learning, or growing, or challenging myself in any way. It seems like a no-brainer, but as an adult, I had no idea it was up to ME to seek out those confidence-boosting opportunities. In the past, they had always somehow found me (or so it seemed). College courses, new jobs, and big moves seemed to be the natural course of life, hence I took them for granted. Lacking opportunities for growth sent me into a shame spiral of epic proportions. Seriously. Is this really what adulthood was -- work, home, bills, TV, sex, REPEAT?! If so, I was having none of it...

So here I am.

I have crawled out of my shame spiral. I have acknowledged that I am indeed my own worst enemy (not to mention critic). I have successfully navigated the self-help section of Barnes and Noble without shame! In the process I had to seriously evaluate areas of my life with which I am unhappy. (Wicked heavy shit like environment, interpersonal relationships, and career. UGH!) Goal-setting has never been my strong suit so I've had to re-learn how to set a goal, list possible ways to attain said goal, then make a plan of action. I've had to list activities that bring me happiness, from the most mundane (cleaning house), to the most challenging (learning a new skill), and how to incorporate those into my everyday life so that happiness is not just a destination, but a motherfucking journey!

But perhaps the most important lesson I've had to learn is failure is okay. No, seriously. I am so paralyzed with fear at the thought of failure, that it keeps me from ever trying new things. So I have resolved to fail, at least a little bit.

So if I fail to update this goddamn blog on a semi-regular basis, that's okay, right?