Nickel and Dimed

Maybe I should start a Kickstarter fund entitled "Help Mindy Pay for the Grad School Admissions Process" because GODDAMN I am being nickel and dimed to death!

  • $35 for the damn ETS GRE study guide (which, btw, is a total fucking scam)
  • $175 for the actual test
  • $10 for EACH copy of official transcripts. (And screw you Indiana for requiring TWO copies!)
  • $25 for each additional copy of my GRE score sent to all the schools I didn't know I maybe wanted to attend
Add to that the countless cups of Dawson's coffee I have consumed, and I have already spent a small fortune. I guess it's a good thang I'm used to being poor. Makes it that much easier to swallow an out-of-state grad school price tag...


Think More About Sex!


“The more closely we analyze what we consider ‘sexy,’ the more clearly we will understand that eroticism is the feeling of excitement we experience at finding another human being who shares our values and our sense of the meaning of existence.”

Sex is on my mind. CLEARLY.


Giving Thanks, 2012

Wow. So in the time that I have taken an (apparent) hiatus, Blogger has completely reconfigured their interface. Good on you, Blogger. Sometimes change is good.

As per usual, I am about a week and change late on this whole giving thanks blog post. But really, since blogging is evidently not my thang anymore, I have been feeling conflicted about putting my thanks out into the universe. Like, maybe I don't deserve for others to hear my thanks. I mean, who am I to think anyone (beyond my mother) even still takes the time to read this bitch? But then I said FUCK IT. I am so incredibly thankful this year, that even if this post get sucked into the great nothingness, is swallowed up by the deepest and darkest of black holes, fades into obscurity, at least I will have proclaimed my thanks in a very public way. And really, isn't that the best way?

I don't even know where to start. So I guess I'll start here.

I know I say this every year, but I am so damn thankful for my mother. She is a rock. She is honest and insightful and thoughtful and shrewdly observant. I am neurotic. I am an overthinker. I am frustratingly ambivalent at times. And because of these awesome character traits, she and I have had an emotionally trying year. But she always manages to say the right thing, even if I'm not ready to hear it. I am so grateful for her presence, her compassion, and her unending support of my ridiculousness. Love you, mom!

I am forever thankful for my Dad and Stepmom, two people I could not possibly respect more.

*Sidenote: Thanks, Universe, for two super awesome and open-minded parents.

I am thankful for my Weekday Mistress, Casey the Human. Even though we both made it back to these United States in one piece, we do live 1500 miles apart. It is difficult to maintain a meaningful connection over time, let alone distance, however Casey is easily the most loyal friend I know. And although we do not get the chance to bitch it out over a bus ride and shitty Taco Bell, I know she, like Shakira, is available whenever, wherever. Plus, she is still willing to watch movies with me, even after this.

I am thankful for the unexpected. When I came home last year, I was so very sad to leave my Seoul Family. In three years I had managed to amass a fantastic circle of friends and although I still maintained contacts here at home, I did not expect to find that same sense of community. In the Land of the Living people have jobs, and families, and obligations that rarely include mid-week beer pong, No-Pants Sunday, and Monday night leg massages. Living in Seoul afforded me endless amounts of frivolity, sometimes masquerading as shared experience. But shared experience is something college students bond over, not grown-ass adults. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find a group of fantastic, like-minded individuals with whom I am incredibly content to share my experiences, and sometimes a bit of frivolity.

Two words: Erica Bangerter. This woman has single-handedly pushed me to be better harder faster stronger. I first met Erica at Ladies' Craft Night. I found her passionate and opinionated and maybe a little overwhelming. It wasn't until January, when she forced me to meet her for GRE study time, that I really took a moment to get to know her. Over the course of the first four months of 2012, Erica and I met faithfully every Sunday morning and Wednesday night in preparation for the GRE. In that time I had the pleasure of making a great friend. She is irreverent. She is whip smart, compassionate, and does not suffer the fool. She has a pure heart and cares a great deal for those she loves. I am so incredibly happy to count myself among them.

Two more words: Patrick Lopez. This guy, more than any other person on Earth, just gets me. He is my partner in crime. He is kind, and smart, and funny, but more than that, he is genuine. As social beings, we meet so many different individuals, both on the internets and in real life. Many of these people serve a specific purpose, filling a void or a niche, but their presence is fleeting. Some of them endear themselves to us just long enough to pass the threshold into true and great friendship. But very rarely does someone so completely nestle themselves into our hearts, as to render them totally irreplaceable. Pat has managed to do just that. And I am so excited to see what happens next.

Here's to 2013, the Great Leap Forward. (See? I told you I could work Chairman Mao into any joke.)


It's about the journey, dumbass

Winter is, by far, my least favorite time of year. Winter usually finds me all sorts of crabby and bitchy and woe-is-me. Hence, the TOTAL lack of bloggery. But today the sun is shining, the coffee is hot, and the cobwebs have been cleared from my brain.

I have spent the majority of the past two months (read: year, but who's counting?) reflecting on my time back here in the states. Everyday I have wavered on my decision to come home. Over the course of three years, Korea provided a certain level of comfort -- work, friends, and weekend plans all presented some predictability. But Korea also provided something I never knew I needed -- a sense of accomplishment. By uprooting my life here in these United States and moving 5,000 miles from friends, family, and anything remotely familiar, I felt a sense of independence that I never felt whilst living in Boise, Idaho. In Korea it was sink or swim -- make friends or be lonely; learn to read Hangul or forever be known as the ignorant foreigner; love kimchi or starve. Living as an outsider I was forced to adapt to new situations in order to make myself more comfortable (and sometimes that was fucking hard). I had to create my community, I had to learn how to teach -- in short, I had to manipulate my surroundings to make my life better. Each time I successfully navigated a new situation, my confidence got a little boost. Over time, those boosts added up. The result was a pretty confident Mindy.

Moving back to Boise, an environment with which I felt quite familiar, rarely provided those confidence-boosting opportunities. The last year has been one big drain on my confidence -- I was drawing on my reserves with each resume sent and each interview attended, but I wasn't able to bank any more confidence. That is to say, I wasn't learning, or growing, or challenging myself in any way. It seems like a no-brainer, but as an adult, I had no idea it was up to ME to seek out those confidence-boosting opportunities. In the past, they had always somehow found me (or so it seemed). College courses, new jobs, and big moves seemed to be the natural course of life, hence I took them for granted. Lacking opportunities for growth sent me into a shame spiral of epic proportions. Seriously. Is this really what adulthood was -- work, home, bills, TV, sex, REPEAT?! If so, I was having none of it...

So here I am.

I have crawled out of my shame spiral. I have acknowledged that I am indeed my own worst enemy (not to mention critic). I have successfully navigated the self-help section of Barnes and Noble without shame! In the process I had to seriously evaluate areas of my life with which I am unhappy. (Wicked heavy shit like environment, interpersonal relationships, and career. UGH!) Goal-setting has never been my strong suit so I've had to re-learn how to set a goal, list possible ways to attain said goal, then make a plan of action. I've had to list activities that bring me happiness, from the most mundane (cleaning house), to the most challenging (learning a new skill), and how to incorporate those into my everyday life so that happiness is not just a destination, but a motherfucking journey!

But perhaps the most important lesson I've had to learn is failure is okay. No, seriously. I am so paralyzed with fear at the thought of failure, that it keeps me from ever trying new things. So I have resolved to fail, at least a little bit.

So if I fail to update this goddamn blog on a semi-regular basis, that's okay, right?