"because i have zero free time. and i don't want to use my brain anymore," I answer.
But then I went tripping down memory lane and was reminded how fucking cathartic it is to blog. And also, I'm funny. In all honesty, I have, like, SIX entire blog posts sitting in draft form on Blogger, but they need some fine-tuning and apparently I'm just not up to the task. What I AM up to is this:
10 More Truths About My Mundane Adult Life!
1. I quit my job with the school district in August. I started delivering pizza in November. I still make just about the same amount of cash, sans retirement. AND THAT is why America can suck it.
2. I have an entire box of flashcards stashed in my closet. Who knows when I might need to quiz myself on muscles of the face. IT COULD HAPPEN.
3. I have 7 (SEVEN!) unpaid parking tickets. It's not that I can't pay them, I just forget about them. Sometimes I am not the most productive adult...
4. When my former partner in crime asked me to meet for a holiday beer, I was secretly excited. But then he flaked. It wasn't until I received a follow-up email that I was really able to put the final nail in the coffin.
5. Number one on my list of big girl purchases? A BMW 325i. Whatever. I don't even care. I WILL HAVE EARNED IT.
6. Scheduling sex is more difficult than it sounds. Blow jobs and flashcards is the new multitasking.
7. Once you pop, you can't stop. I am actively avoiding Netflix this weekend because I know once I start watching House of Cards, all bets are off. I can't quit you, Kevin Spacey.
8. I have zero social life. Welp. There's a first for everything, I suppose...
9. Clinical observations start next week and I am perversely excited to nerd out.
10. Despite all the background noise of life, I am finally happy. For now.
I miss you, Casey the Human!