TP is a right, NOT a privilege!

Dear America,

In these tough economical times it is somewhat hard to find things for which to be thankful, especially after living in a foreign country that provided solid health care, pension, and a steady paycheck. But tonight, America, you really did me a solid. In a crowded bar, full of drunken chicks and karaoke amateurs, your bathroom toilets did not overflow ONCE! And you provided not one, but two rolls of toilet paper. And PBRs were less than $3. OMG, it's as if the heavens opened up and rained good fortune upon me and my drunken brethren. That, and I got to stalk my secret crush, Josh Gross.

So yeah, Friday night WIN.

Stay classy, America.

Love always,


All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Summer School for Adjudicated Juveniles

  • When the end of days happens and our life blood, the sun, finally burns out, we will only need to turn up the dial on our heaters in order to survive. Apparently things like photosynthesis and the food chain and, well, HEAT, are not necessarily essential to life on Earth.
  • The big toe is the captain of the foot.
  • Penguins do not separate themselves into Bloods and Crips.
  • Papier mache snakes and papier mache blunts look surprisingly similar. And requiring a google search for "brown snake with red head" will not stop students from crafting the world's largest blunt whilst at school.
And speaking of crafts...
  •  15 year old boys are apparently misinformed about the female genitalia. At least one of them believes our ladyparts include teeth.  I've never used the term "vagina dentata" so many times in my entire life.
  • "Dude" and "Dawg" are appropriate ways to address your teacher.
  • There are no beavers at the Boise Zoo, animal or otherwise...
  • Not all of America's youth are apathetic, ill-informed assholes. At least one of them warranted the nickname "Wikipedia".
  • Krista Beck will henceforth be known as "that hot teacher lady".
  • When students are afraid to try, say, welding, they will get all rule-abiding on your ass and ask to sign a waiver. There are no waivers in Summer School for Adjudicated Juveniles.
  • It is perfectly acceptable to teach students swear words in a foreign language.
  • Apparently it IS humanly possibly to eat an entire bag of Sara Lee cinnamon raisin bagels in one sitting.
  • Dr. Pepper is the breakfast of champions.
And the number one thang I learned in Summer School for Adjudicated Juveniles:
  • No, you will never use quadratic equations in your adult life. Yes, you still have to learn them.
Here's to five, yes FIVE summers with the cream of the crop.



*Knock*  *Knock*

Hello? Hello..?


Oh, it's you. Long time no see, eh? You've missed me, you say. Been wondering what I've been up to since last we met?


Well, it's been a long, uneventful four months, but I am officially BACK. As of today, I will again try mah hand at blogging. But not right now. Right now I must resume my duties cleaning out the pantry and consuming every Law and Order SVU on cable TV. This is also known as "house-sitting".

Stay tuned...