3.25.2011

Enrique Iglesias wants to f*ck me

So I came home to no job, no car, and no place to live, but at least I've got this:

3.24.2011

Mindy's Super Scientific Analysis of America's Lifeblood

I never intended to go this long between posts, but the weeks leading up to my departure from Ko-ree-yah were so freaking busy. Somehow, in the span of three years, I managed to create a busy, frenetic, and demanding social life (read: full of beers and food) that I had zero time to sit down and compose my thoughts. Go figure. Besides, I suspected that if I had, it would have just turned into one giant crying lag. And no one wants to read my bitching and moaning, especially as it comes just one short year after I was bitching and moaning about how I loathed Seoul. So yeah...

Anyway, there are lots of things I fully intend to write about, but they are not for today. Today is for coffee. Specifically drip coffee, the kind Korean baristas *foolishly* make to order, then charge exorbitant prices for, all in the name of exclusivity.

As you well know, I had a love affair with my local Starfucks. It was warm and cozy and full of squashy armchairs that were perfect for Sunday afternoon lounging. It was usually packed full of studious yet fashionable Koreans chattering away or sleeping. Sometimes both. And it was familiar. Hell, I spent the entire month of December 2009 hooked up the their wifi, as mine was unceremoniously cut off when I didn't pay the bill as I was saving all my won for knockoff Rolexes in China. Starfucks even saved my life once, but that's another story.

Anyway, I knew if I was to be successfully unemployed for any amount of time, I was gonna have to make job searching my full time, well, JOB. Coffee shops make the best offices, so each morning I have dutifully rolled outta bed, showered, and hightailed it out the door. However, I was heartbroken to find my favorite Starbucks on Capital and Idaho had closed. I looked up the street, sure another would be just around the corner. Nope. There are zero Starbucks in downtown Boise. Extremely sad, I quietly ducked into Java down the street and realized coffee shops in Boise are, for lack of a better word, quaint. If I spend more than one consecutive day in any shop, the damn baristas start asking all kinds of questions about my bizness. Do not like. So in addition to my job searching, I have embarked on a super scientific analysis of downtown coffee shops. I'ma call it:


Drip Coffee is a Right, NOT a Privilege! 
Mindy's Super Scientific Analysis of America's Lifeblood


(For the record, I would have included pics, but I dropped my shiny new Nikon in a frothy beverage on dollar beer night. And I have a Cricket phone sans camera, which kinda says a lot about my life right now...)

Up first, Starfucks on Broadway
Kick Ass!:
  • $1.50 for a cup of joe, but I had to ask the bitchface barista for a ceramic mug (drip coffee in a paper cup is just sad, y'all)
  • The setting was familiar, as I spent many afternoons studying here in my formative years
  • I got to listen to a set of parents ream their son about his meager class load
  • Free parking
Blows Chunks:
  • Remodeling = zero squashy chairs
  • Natural light is nonexistent. I know I'm supposed to be job searching and all, but sometimes I need a "reading/drawing ridiculous Easter cards" break
  • Full of crusty old professors

Flying M at 5th and Idaho
Kick Ass!:
  • By far the cheapest cup of joe at $1.35
  • No need to ask for a ceramic mug at this trendy joint, they KNOW I wanna save the world
  • UH-MAZINGGG gift shop
  • It hasn't changed much since I started haunting the place in junior high
  • Most excellent people watching...
Blows Chunks:
  • But, ugh, this place is full of hipsters
  • Gotta pump the meter or park a few blocks away (maybe that should be a positive...)
  • No liquid sugar

Java at 6th and Idaho
Kick Ass!:
  • $1.45 for a cup of joe
  • Good mix of students, grown-ups, and downtown freaks
  • Liquid sugar!
  • Ceramic mugs are a given
Blows Chunks:
  • Pumping the meter, AGAIN
  • Ummm, it's not Starfucks?

Tully's at Capital and Idaho 
*I should hate this place on principle because they ousted my Starfucks, but...
Kick Ass!:
  • I cannot remember the price, but the blueberry and white choco scone was fan-fucking-tastic
  • I ran into Miss Amanda Morgan there!
  • Liquid sugar
Blows Chunks:
  • IT IS NOT STARBUCKS

Big City Coffee at Grove and 15th 
Kick Ass!:
  • Unlimited free parking!
  • A most excellent deli case with amazing-looking sammies
  • A big 'ol bay door that opens to the street in summer
  • No need to ask for ceramic mugs, that's all they've got
Blows Chunks:
  • At $2.07, by far the most expensive cup of coffee out there
  • AND, I had to pour it myself. WTF?!
  • Not only did they not have liquid sugar, they only had sugar packets. Double WTF?!

Moxie Java at 6th and Main
Kick Ass!:
  • $1.43 for a cup of joe, but I had to ask for a mug
  • I've been sitting here since 2PM, (basically alone as this place is D.E.A.D.) and the barista doesn't seem to mind my intrusion
  • Moxie is a local joint, and since everything else in Boise as gone tets up, I feel good supporting the underdog
  • Mariah Carey's Make It Happen is playing right now!
Blows Chunks:
  • This place is seriously dead. How in the world are they still open??
  • Closing time is 6PM (although, in light of the extreme lack of customers, I suppose I can see their point)
  • Pumping the meter, again. BUT my friendo Dave is a meter maid in my lot. Mayhaps he'll cut me a deal...
  • Where the fuck is the bathroom? I have to pee like a damn racehorse
In my scientific opinion, which is based mostly on whim, liquid sugar availability, and the dreaded parking sitch, Big City Coffee should win, hands down.  

However, (and it's a big however) I just overheard Supa Cool Moxie Barista say to his skater BF that THIS Moxie is the Original Gangsta! Yep, the first one! Hot damn, that deserves some extra points, right? That, and the fact that it's closing in four months. That's like the fat white girl on American Idol announcing she's got cancer. How do you NOT give her the win? So...

Moxie at 6th and Main FOR THE WIN!
(I guess)


Tomorrow I'ma continue my analysis at Dawson's at 8th and Bannock. They better have liquid sugar.