Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we...

Today, I miss my *Korean Life.

 Sperm and egg kimchi bokumbap

Makin' banana bread at Stone's Kitchen 

Social sleeping in Pyeongchon 

Casey the Spy 

Chucks at Weekend at Sunny's 

Another lifetime at Uncle Don's Bar 

Go Stop at Gwangali Beach 

That's "gracamoie" to you 

Fried chicken nuggets and tater tots at 4AM? Of course. 

Lotus in my 'hood 

The time I killed Marty at Sunday Funday 

Mustaches for Dawn and me 

The Family Mart snowman 

Raiden the Spiderkitty! 

Taylor Swift at Olympic Stadium 

So close! 

Jamie's mango vagina. Bus rides are boring, y'all.

All these pics were taken with my shitty LG Compact Tomb (yes, that's its real name) over the course of three years.

*I don't really miss Korea, just my life there. A fine distinction...

Odds and ends

I'm not in university, but damn, it FEELS like I am. I've been studying like a mad woman for the past five weeks for a job that I kinda *really* want.

See, the day I stepped foot in America, I scored an interview with the Boise Police Department. I know, don't let your jealousy overwhelm you. Anyway, because the county is super efficient, they set the interview SIX WEEKS out. Mayhaps they knew that although my University diploma says I'm well-versed in the workings of the American Criminal Justice system, at this point I'm more familiar with Konglish Interpretation and Charades with six year olds. Anyway, I've been trying my damnedest to use this time wisely (and we all we know I usually squander my free time here). In the past five weeks I have:

• Comprehensively reviewed Idaho domestic violence laws, stalking statutes, and rape statutes. Did you know a man can't legally be raped in Idaho? Just a bit of food for thought...
• Reviewed Idaho criminal, civil, and juvenile court procedure. Did you know that when a defendant is found "not guilty" their bond is exonerated or returned? I always wondered what happened to all that cheddah.
• Compiled a comprehensive list of all community resources available to victims of domestic abuse and sexual assault. Did you know the WCA offers *free* domestic violence and sexual assault orientations to the public?
• Attended an informational tour of the Women's and Children's Alliance. Did you know these are offered once a month and are totally free to the public?

AND,

• Rode along with my Favorite Boise Police Officer as he patrolled the valley last Saturday night. Did you know my ex-boyfriend has been arrested no less than a dozen times in the past three years? (Okay, so that one's not really educational so much as it is oddly satisfying.)

The rest of this week is wicked busy, as I have an un-related job interview on Wednesday; a domestic violence orientation that same evening; a tour of FACES, a local family advocacy and education service center; and an observation at a domestic battery hearing. In addition, I've started writing down potential questions and answers so that I am fully prepared for this damn interview.

Wish me luck!

NEVER be lenient with chickens...

This is what I've learned on the Urban Farm, more widely known as the Armagost/Jones home. My friends are vacationing in Korea and Japan, and while they're off galavanting in the Far East, I've been relegated to the task of urban farming. Most days this only includes feeding and watering five chickens, two cats, and one three-legged dog. But there's been a mutinous air about the farm recently. Stella, the black and white hen who obviously rules the roost, somehow convinced the other chickens to break free! So yesterday, in the blustery rain, I chased five chickens in circles, trying to regale them back into the coop. With all the feisty hens safely pent-up, the sun broke through and this is what I got:

Also, I took all these shots with my brand-spanking-used Sony Cybershot. I bought it off a guy on the street for $45. Not bad, eh?! 

Speaking Easy

`A few weeks ago, before I left Korea, I told a friend I'd try to submit a piece to Speakeasy, a magazine for expats and Koreans in Seoul. Each issue has a theme, and last month's was "Plan B", something with which I feel VERY familiar right now. I hope you like it.

I am knee deep in Plan B, but I always have been. Allow me to elaborate. 

Plan A is Successful. She sets goals and completes tasks. She is prepared. Plan A has guts, bravado, courage, forthrightness. She does research, makes lists, checks them twice. Plan A returns phone calls. She has an impeccable resume and she knows how to use it. Plan A is never called a flake, always meets deadlines, and most certainly never has to be asked twice to pay her internet bill, as it is late again. 

Plan A is Confident. Plan A has shiny hair and well-manicured hands. When she smiles her eyes crinkle and her teeth sparkle. When she walks, her spine is straight, her shoulders are back, her steps quick and sure. Plan A wears pearls and carries Coach.  Her chinos are always perfectly pressed, her cardigan the precise shade of success. Plan A is never disheveled, always looks refreshed, and most certainly does not know the meaning of “No Shower Monday”.

Plan A is Healthy. Plan A takes care of her body. She moisturizes and exfoliates and always brushes her teeth before bed. She dutifully puts in her time on the treadmill and knows how to say no to shitty Korean birthday cake. Plan A loves kale and asparagus and quinoa. She reads Fit magazine during the morning commute. Plan A knows her limit and respectfully declines when she’s “had enough”. Plan A never gets tanked on Sunday night, always hits the gym at 6 AM, and most certainly never engages in such debauchery that she vomits in her own bed.

Plan A is Desirable. Her class and elegance are admired by women, her firm ass and pert breasts lusted after by men. She is universally liked and respected. Plan A knows when to flash a toned thigh to get what she wants. She never lies on her Match.com profile and rarely disappoints in person. Plan A is well-rounded. She embraces the arts, history, and literature. Plan A never stumbles over her words, always knows how to ask for what she wants in bed, and would most certainly never shuffle down Gangnam-ro in a walk of shame.

Plan A is the epitome of aspiration and hopefulness. She is my best foot forward and my blind optimism. Plan A is my ideal self, and for a few fleeting moments every morning she exists. When the beep of my alarms sounds and I roll over to greet a new day, Plan A is in full effect.  I am successful, confident, healthy and desirable. My hair is shiny, my eyes are bright, my wit and charm are irrepressible. 

I am  Plan A and I am invincible. That is, until I hit the snooze button for a solid 30 minutes before floundering out of bed with just enough time to wash the bed sheet creases outta my face, slap on a smudge of make-up, and race out the door to catch the 144. Plan A may be successful, confident, healthy, and desirable, but Plan B’s a tenacious stalker who always  snares her prey.

You can check out the rest of this issue and past issues at www.speakeasyseoul.com.

Welcome to Adulthood

A few days ago I got to play counselor to a former summer school student, at which time I said her current group of friends suck and politely told her "you are who you hang out with." Wise words, Ms. Page. Mayhaps I should be taking my own advice...

Enrique Iglesias wants to f*ck me

So I came home to no job, no car, and no place to live, but at least I've got this:

Mindy's Super Scientific Analysis of America's Lifeblood

I never intended to go this long between posts, but the weeks leading up to my departure from Ko-ree-yah were so freaking busy. Somehow, in the span of three years, I managed to create a busy, frenetic, and demanding social life (read: full of beers and food) that I had zero time to sit down and compose my thoughts. Go figure. Besides, I suspected that if I had, it would have just turned into one giant crying lag. And no one wants to read my bitching and moaning, especially as it comes just one short year after I was bitching and moaning about how I loathed Seoul. So yeah...

Anyway, there are lots of things I fully intend to write about, but they are not for today. Today is for coffee. Specifically drip coffee, the kind Korean baristas *foolishly* make to order, then charge exorbitant prices for, all in the name of exclusivity.

As you well know, I had a love affair with my local Starfucks. It was warm and cozy and full of squashy armchairs that were perfect for Sunday afternoon lounging. It was usually packed full of studious yet fashionable Koreans chattering away or sleeping. Sometimes both. And it was familiar. Hell, I spent the entire month of December 2009 hooked up the their wifi, as mine was unceremoniously cut off when I didn't pay the bill as I was saving all my won for knockoff Rolexes in China. Starfucks even saved my life once, but that's another story.

Anyway, I knew if I was to be successfully unemployed for any amount of time, I was gonna have to make job searching my full time, well, JOB. Coffee shops make the best offices, so each morning I have dutifully rolled outta bed, showered, and hightailed it out the door. However, I was heartbroken to find my favorite Starbucks on Capital and Idaho had closed. I looked up the street, sure another would be just around the corner. Nope. There are zero Starbucks in downtown Boise. Extremely sad, I quietly ducked into Java down the street and realized coffee shops in Boise are, for lack of a better word, quaint. If I spend more than one consecutive day in any shop, the damn baristas start asking all kinds of questions about my bizness. Do not like. So in addition to my job searching, I have embarked on a super scientific analysis of downtown coffee shops. I'ma call it:

Drip Coffee is a Right, NOT a Privilege! 

Mindy's Super Scientific Analysis of America's Lifeblood

(For the record, I would have included pics, but I dropped my shiny new Nikon in a frothy beverage on dollar beer night. And I have a Cricket phone sans camera, which kinda says a lot about my life right now...)

Up first, Starfucks on Broadway

Kick Ass!:

• $1.50 for a cup of joe, but I had to ask the bitchface barista for a ceramic mug (drip coffee in a paper cup is just sad, y'all)
• The setting was familiar, as I spent many afternoons studying here in my formative years
• I got to listen to a set of parents ream their son about his meager class load
• Free parking

Blows Chunks:

• Remodeling = zero squashy chairs
• Natural light is nonexistent. I know I'm supposed to be job searching and all, but sometimes I need a "reading/drawing ridiculous Easter cards" break
• Full of crusty old professors

Flying M at 5th and Idaho
Kick Ass!:

• By far the cheapest cup of joe at $1.35
• No need to ask for a ceramic mug at this trendy joint, they KNOW I wanna save the world
• UH-MAZINGGG gift shop
• It hasn't changed much since I started haunting the place in junior high
• Most excellent people watching...

Blows Chunks:

• But, ugh, this place is full of hipsters
• Gotta pump the meter or park a few blocks away (maybe that should be a positive...)
• No liquid sugar

Java at 6th and Idaho

Kick Ass!:

• $1.45 for a cup of joe
• Good mix of students, grown-ups, and downtown freaks
• Liquid sugar!
• Ceramic mugs are a given

Blows Chunks:

• Pumping the meter, AGAIN
• Ummm, it's not Starfucks?

Tully's at Capital and Idaho 

*I should hate this place on principle because they ousted my Starfucks, but...

Kick Ass!:

• I cannot remember the price, but the blueberry and white choco scone was fan-fucking-tastic
• I ran into Miss Amanda Morgan there!
• Liquid sugar

Blows Chunks:

• IT IS NOT STARBUCKS

Big City Coffee at Grove and 15th 

Kick Ass!:

• Unlimited free parking!
• A most excellent deli case with amazing-looking sammies
• A big 'ol bay door that opens to the street in summer
• No need to ask for ceramic mugs, that's all they've got

Blows Chunks:

• At $2.07, by far the most expensive cup of coffee out there
• AND, I had to pour it myself. WTF?!
• Not only did they not have liquid sugar, they only had sugar packets. Double WTF?!

Moxie Java at 6th and Main

Kick Ass!:

• $1.43 for a cup of joe, but I had to ask for a mug
• I've been sitting here since 2PM, (basically alone as this place is D.E.A.D.) and the barista doesn't seem to mind my intrusion
• Moxie is a local joint, and since everything else in Boise as gone tets up, I feel good supporting the underdog
• Mariah Carey's Make It Happen is playing right now!

Blows Chunks:

• This place is seriously dead. How in the world are they still open??
• Closing time is 6PM (although, in light of the extreme lack of customers, I suppose I can see their point)
• Pumping the meter, again. BUT my friendo Dave is a meter maid in my lot. Mayhaps he'll cut me a deal...
• Where the fuck is the bathroom? I have to pee like a damn racehorse

In my scientific opinion, which is based mostly on whim, liquid sugar availability, and the dreaded parking sitch, Big City Coffee should win, hands down.  

However, (and it's a big however) I just overheard Supa Cool Moxie Barista say to his skater BF that THIS Moxie is the Original Gangsta! Yep, the first one! Hot damn, that deserves some extra points, right? That, and the fact that it's closing in four months. That's like the fat white girl on American Idol announcing she's got cancer. How do you NOT give her the win? So...

Moxie at 6th and Main FOR THE WIN!

(I guess)

Tomorrow I'ma continue my analysis at Dawson's at 8th and Bannock. They better have liquid sugar.