All the rich single men in LA live in Manhattan Beach. Or so the fingerprint tech in Torrance tells me.
Let me back up a bit. For the past year I've been telling literally anyone and everyone that my post-grad plans included moving to sunny SoCal. Lemme tell you, EVERYONE had Thoughts. Usually this was met with some measure of flippant disdain among Idahoans with Opinions. My response was a polite nod, but man it gets tiring hearing asshole Idahoans spout off about what kind of assholes live in the Golden State.
About a month before I left I had to get some fingerprints done at the Idaho State police. The fingerprint tech was a super gregarious lady full of Opinions. She inquired about the nature of my fingerprint needs and where they'd be sent. I told her I'd taken my dream job in LA and was looking forward to all the sunny days ahead.
"Are you from here or there?" she asked.
"Oh, here," I responded.
"Well, I'm from California. San Diego. Get ready for some of the rudest people you've ever met."
Reader, she really said that to me. OUT LOUD. Well, I've certainly met ONE rude Californian, I thought to myself... She went on to add that Californians were the worst drivers. I drew the line there, friends. In 2017 I started taking road rage seriously and called 911 twice to report Ragey Middle-Aged White Men with Tiny Dicks Threatening Me from Stupid Diesel Trucks. California doesn't have a monopoly on rude, shitty drivers, I told her.
Oh, they're probably from California, she informed me. Welp. It's a special kind of Californian who chooses to move to Idaho, and I think we allllll know what I'm talking about...
ANYWAY. When I finally arrived in sunny SoCal I found it to be chock full of sunny, kind, helpful people and one of them was the fingerprint tech at WellnessMart in Torrance.
This dude was so nice, y'all. When my employer neglected to add my name to the fingerprint list (meaning they'd foot the bill), he happily overrode the system and printed me for free. He inquired about the nature of my new job, congratulated me on the move, and welcomed me to California.
Where are you staying, he asked. LONG BEACH! Long Beach is great! The people are nice and chill and unpretentious, he said. Then he pulled out an iPad and proceeded to give me directions home. Don't take the freeway, he said. Take this drive through Palos Verdes, he said. It's full of scenic overlooks, short trails, and the neighborhood is beautiful, he said.
Then: I noticed you weren't wearing a wedding ring, he said. Usually this kind of thing would totally creep me out - like, why do you care, dude? Also, time and place. But then he dropped this nugget: I heard that Manhattan Beach has the highest per capita income among men in LA county, so if you're looking that'd be a good place to start, he said.
Reader, I died! It was such an LA piece of advice, how could I be mad?! Also, nice to know the Wellnessmart dude was looking out for my best interest - he just wanted me to live my best life in Cali, and that so obviously included a rich dude from Manhattan Beach.
Now I wanna know, how many of those flush Manhattan Beach dudes have beards? A question for another (sunny) day.
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