Instead, here are the top ten reasons Santa's not coming to Korea, with updated commentary, of course.
Reasons Santa's Not Coming to Korea.
2.He's still waiting on his visa. (I hear ya Santa. The glut of visa applicants is sizable, but what else is a recent grad with a Social Sciences degree supposed to do?)
3.Dog isn't the only meat that provides "stamina." Look out Blitzen.
4.Korean parents report, "nice, but not nice enough." (I think my Korean parents would report, "smart, but not smart enough." And they would be correct.)
5.He's tired of taking his boots off at every house. (Again, my sympathies. Perhaps you should think of trading in your steel-toes for some lime green slippers. I know a guy on the street who'll give you a slammin' deal. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy, Santa)
1.He got sick off melamine cookies in China. (Remember the melamine scare, back when Korea could just blame China? Ahh those were the days, before swine flu and hand sanitizer and common sense came to Korea. Wait a minute...)
2.He's still waiting on his visa. (I hear ya Santa. The glut of visa applicants is sizable, but what else is a recent grad with a Social Sciences degree supposed to do?)
3.Dog isn't the only meat that provides "stamina." Look out Blitzen.
4.Korean parents report, "nice, but not nice enough." (I think my Korean parents would report, "smart, but not smart enough." And they would be correct.)
5.He's tired of taking his boots off at every house. (Again, my sympathies. Perhaps you should think of trading in your steel-toes for some lime green slippers. I know a guy on the street who'll give you a slammin' deal. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy, Santa)
6.Wait... where is Korea? (Right between World Domination [read: China] and The Hot Chick [read: Japan])
7.He's tired of taking hits to the sleigh. Apparently N. Korea takes that whole "DMZ" thing pretty seriously. (Come on Kim Jung Il, the world already knows how much you adore American commerce. Let the fat guy through unscathed and maybe Steve Jobs'll throw down a shiny new iPhone.)
8.He's got all the drunken spousal abuse he can handle at home. Why even leave the house?
9.He's tired of lugging his sack of toys through all those Soviet Bloc apartments. Get a chimney!
10.Mrs. Clause hates kimchi breath. (Tru dat.)
*Thanks to Erica, Trevor, and Justin who helped post this on the whiteboard in the teacher's lounge (oh, the irony) last Christmas.
I miss that job.
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