An open letter to H&M

Dear H&M,

My name is Mindy Page.  For the past few years I have been living in Seoul, South Korea. Last Saturday I decided to make the trek to one of your two Myeong-dong stores. (BTW, why are there two H&Ms within 100 meters of each other??) On most days shopping in Myeong-dong is an exercise in masochism -- at best it is frustrating and overwhelming and at worst it is downright fucking disastrous.  But on this day I was feeling optimistic.  I was readying myself for an epic beach vacation on the sunny sands of southern Taiwan.  Thinking at the last minute I might need a pair of lounging sweatpants, I crossed my fingers and elbowed my way through the crowds.

Now, I am ALWAYS too much woman for Korea. I live in a country full of leggy, boyish ballerinas who all seem to wear the same size: FREE SIZE. A good 50% of the time H&M is a complete bust for me.  I have a lot of tits and ass (and a little in between) and to be honest, I'm usually too much woman for you, too. But sometimes a big risk reaps big rewards.  I happened upon a pair of cropped black sweatpants in the "sports" section.  On a whim, I took those suckas into the dressing room, tugged them over my ass, and whaddya know?! They fit! At 29,000 won, they were overpriced, but sometimes you can't always get what you want.  But you do get what you need.  I forked over my cash with a smile.

Boy am I glad I did. Typhoon Motherfucking Fanapi decided to blow straight through Southern Taiwan, wreaking havoc and flooding everything in its path, including the beach town of Kenting, my destination. And all I'd packed were my swimsuit, two beach cover-ups, three tank tops and my new H&M sweatpants.

For five straight days I wore the shit outta those sweatpants.  They rode a luxury bus, countless cabs, the subway and one bullet train. They went to the top of Taipei 101 in the day and the Shilin Night Market.  They strolled Ximen and dined at World Toilet. I dressed them up for a night of sashimi, and down for a morning of shepherd's pie. They weathered hurricane force winds, buckets of rain, sand, sweat, and two 100+ degree days strolling the city. All this without stretching out, piling, or fading.

This was the best 29,000 won I've ever spent. Thanks, H&M!

Love Always and Forever,
Mindy Page

"Oh hey guys, wanna see my hair extensions?" Um, YEAH WE DO.

Thursday night I decided to park my ass in front of the Mini-Stop and do what foreigners do best: drink into oblivion.  Of course, this being a school night and all I had to start early.  I decided 6PM was completely socially acceptable.  Besides, the locals in my neighborhood set the bar pretty low; being wasted by 8PM is a total WIN.  Anyway, because I shot my wad before the weekend had officially started, I was retarded by Friday night and wanted nothing more than to curl up in an air-conditioned cocoon and check out until Saturday afternoon, when I would no doubt emerge a refreshed butterfly, ready to take on the weekend.

The ladies had other plans.

Friday night Casey decided to have a yard sale, or as I preferred to call it, "Come take all the shit I no longer want because I went to America and got loads of WAY BETTER shit-travaganza".  This is also when Casey whipped out the hair cape.  Check it out:




And because video is never, EVER enough, we had to strike poses in a hair cape photo shoot.

"Oh hai."

"We are fucking fabulous."

"Do you think god will smite us for wearing really bad hair extensions?  'Cause Paris Hilton's still alive and all..."