I Am Not a Teacher

9.18.2011

some days i think helen keller had it good

"i always try to post really positive stuff on my facebook. i know people read that and will just think i'm a downer, so i always try to keep it positive."

and:

"why don't you look up the word redemption and see if it means to you what it means to me."

and:

"i really like pirate jokes. i try to post as many as i can on 'talk like a pirate day'."

sometimes i REALLY miss language ignorance.

on another note, i bought a new car. i'd post a pic here, but me and cameras are on a break right now. besides, my bad decision-making is already well documented on the interwebs. no need to add "$12,000 hyundai" to the mix, am i right?!

9.12.2011

if the shoe doesn't fit, throw it out the window

mundane in america. that should be the new title to this blog. because that's what life is now -- mundane. i go to work. i come home from work. occasionally i party. sometimes i get laid. more often than not i find myself eating shitty fast food on my way to or from the suburbs. i play bocce ball in the parent's backyard. i avoid my brother and his wife. i am privy to the inane conversations that fill coffeehouses.

in short, i am bored. sometimes, literally to tears. this morning i found myself sniffling in the parking lot, whilst i readied myself for the bi-weekly staff meeting. saturday, i wept while en route from a family friend's mundane 50th birthday party. last week i wept whilst shopping for a cocktail dress.

you see, i am not exactly lacking in the social outings department, it's just that i'm finding these activities incredibly boring and not exactly blog-worthy. mayhaps i should take a break. like a really, REAL break. so that i may gather my thoughts and focus. because, truth be told, the "i am not a teacher" moniker still fits. i am NOT a teacher. but i'm not sure i'm a blogger either.

stay tuned...

8.20.2011

TP is a right, NOT a privilege!

Dear America,

In these tough economical times it is somewhat hard to find things for which to be thankful, especially after living in a foreign country that provided solid health care, pension, and a steady paycheck. But tonight, America, you really did me a solid. In a crowded bar, full of drunken chicks and karaoke amateurs, your bathroom toilets did not overflow ONCE! And you provided not one, but two rolls of toilet paper. And PBRs were less than $3. OMG, it's as if the heavens opened up and rained good fortune upon me and my drunken brethren. That, and I got to stalk my secret crush, Josh Gross.

So yeah, Friday night WIN.

Stay classy, America.

Love always,
Mindy

8.10.2011

All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Summer School for Adjudicated Juveniles

When the end of days happens and our life blood, the sun, finally burns out, we will only need to turn up the dial on our heaters in order to survive. Apparently things like photosynthesis and the food chain and, well, HEAT, are not necessarily essential to life on Earth.
The big toe is the captain of the foot.
Penguins do not separate themselves into Bloods and Crips.
Papier mache snakes and papier mache blunts look surprisingly similar. And requiring a google search for "brown snake with red head" will not stop students from crafting the world's largest blunt whilst at school.

And speaking of crafts...

15 year old boys are apparently misinformed about the female genitalia. At least one of them believes our ladyparts include teeth. I've never used the term "vagina dentata" so many times in my entire life.
"Dude" and "Dawg" are appropriate ways to address your teacher.
There are no beavers at the Boise Zoo, animal or otherwise...
Not all of America's youth are apathetic, ill-informed assholes. At least one of them warranted the nickname "Wikipedia".
Krista Beck will henceforth be known as "that hot teacher lady".
When students are afraid to try, say, welding, they will get all rule-abiding on your ass and ask to sign a waiver. There are no waivers in Summer School for Adjudicated Juveniles.
It is perfectly acceptable to teach students swear words in a foreign language.
Apparently it IS humanly possibly to eat an entire bag of Sara Lee cinnamon raisin bagels in one sitting.
Dr. Pepper is the breakfast of champions.

And the number one thang I learned in Summer School for Adjudicated Juveniles:

No, you will never use quadratic equations in your adult life. Yes, you still have to learn them.

Here's to five, yes FIVE summers with the cream of the crop.

8.01.2011

I'm BAAAAACK!

*Knock* *Knock*

Hello? Hello..?

*KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK*

Oh, it's you. Long time no see, eh? You've missed me, you say. Been wondering what I've been up to since last we met?

Hmmph.

Well, it's been a long, uneventful four months, but I am officially BACK. As of today, I will again try mah hand at blogging. But not right now. Right now I must resume my duties cleaning out the pantry and consuming every Law and Order SVU on cable TV. This is also known as "house-sitting".

Stay tuned...

4.27.2011

The Grass is NOT Always Greener...

Screw you, WordPress.

My foray into the world of WordPress was fleeting. Once I imported this here blog and discovered I'd lost videos like this and this and of course, this, I realized there was no way I could abandon all my hard work. (And by hard work, I obviously mean recording my students fellating popsicles and imitating enraged felines whilst sitting on my ass.) Besides, all those gadgets and widgets and themes were just too fucking big city for this girl. I'll take my small town Blogger with her simple themes any day.

I'm sorry I cheated on you, Blogger. I promise to blog with you, and only you, as long as we both shall live.

And also, I'm officially blogging from America!*

*So long as I'm gainfully employed with kick ass health insurance within the next 60 days.