Mother's milk, jellyfish, and Andrew Teacher's wandering eyes

This is Andrew, my co-teacher:

He is a tasty dish, no?

On Friday, he got all spiffy and came to work in a tie and dress pants.  The kids said he looked like a husband.  Me?  Well I rolled into work looking like I'd hopped the 6AM train from hell with just enough time to change my clothes, scrub the bed sheet creases outta my cheeks and throw on a hoodie. Or you know, a No-Shower Friday. Typical.

Anyway, after my kids saw Andrew, one of them was apparently inspired to write this gem.  In it's entirety:

Mindy Teacher and Andrew Teacher is married.  Mindy has a baby in her belly. (We just learned 'belly'. Hello, retention!)  When they married Andrew Teacher and Mindy Teacher kissed. (You bet yer sweet ass we did.)  After nine months the baby was born.  Mindy Teacher and Andrew Teacher was happy.  Mindy Teacher made mother's milk.  Mindy Teacher feed the baby mother's milk.  Andrew Teacher saw Mindy Teacher's jellyfish.  (Blue Class slang for boobies.  And also, note the use of possessive nouns.  So proud!)  So Mindy was surprized so Mindy Teacher yelled "don't look at my jellyfish!"  And the baby was surprized so the baby cried.  -Ashley Kwan

There are literally no words for how proud I felt.  Vocab retention and use of possessive nouns?! Hallelujah, they ARE learning!

My favorite color is rainbow

Sometimes a girl needs a break.

Anyway.

You know how when you have a dog and it's the center of your universe? You smother it with love and kisses and peanut-butter filled kongs.  Everything you own is covered in dog fluff because you take that damn dog with you everywhere.  It is your constant companion.

And then one day, you bring home another dog.  This New Dog is in no way a replacement. As a matter of fact, this New Dog is supposed to keep Top Dog company.  But that's not how Top Dog sees it.  New Dog is the ultimate threat, only there to usurp your limited amount of love, kisses and peanut-butter filled kongs. So Top Dog starts vying for your affection in the most pathetic ways. Top Dog is all, "Look at me! Look at me!" Barking and dancing around as soon as you open the front door; using his free time to devise elaborate fetching routines to impress you with; smothering you with love, kisses and peanut-butter filled kongs.

On Monday morning a new student joined Blue Class, and Blue Class instantly became all, "Look at me!  Look at me!"  By lunch time my desk was littered with I Love You cards and Thank You for Teaching Us cards.  They had even turned the entire white board into one giant Thank You note, complete with pictures of Shelby, my *actual* Top Dog.

Most of the cards are tacked to walls around my desk, but this gem had to come home with me.  It's fridge-worthy, dammit!

From Ashley, who is ambidextrous 

and insists upon signing her name with hearts. *SWOON*

And inside:

An explosion of hearts and stars and rainbows and gumdrops. 

No need for words; I think this says it all.

So, how was your day?

Extremely Frustrating and Incredibly Boring

So yeah, I finished the damn book and was utterly... UNDERWHELMED. The ending was so frustratingly devoid of, well, anything. Kind of like this post.

So here:


My second favorite ginger, Josh Homme, lending the "What, What in the Butt" guy a little harmony.

Happy Hump Day!

Extremely Fast and Incredibly Slow

I read very quickly. Last week, I read five books. (I was also broke and on vacation.) None were particularly interesting, thought-provoking, or even that memorable. Perhaps that is why I read them so quickly. However, I started a book last night called Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. He also wrote a pretty famous book called Everything is Illuminated, which I have yet to read. Anyway, I started reading this book last night, and was instantly so engaged that I *almost* passed up sex. Yes, sex. I almost never pass up sex, unless it's for food, in which case I have to play a mental game of Rock, Scissor, Paper to decide which to do first.

But I digress.

This book is heartbreaking. I want to cry every time I open it. Foer writes with a longing that is palpable. I can feel this book.

I usually devour books; I cannot get through them fast enough. When I was a kid, I used to read the last page of every book just to know how quickly or slowly I should read it.  Once, I locked myself in my room on Christmas Day and read Stephen King's Desperation, all 1.8 pounds of it, in one day. The next morning, when I triumphantly announced that I'd finished, my dad was pissed. "Why do I even bother buying books if you're just going to read them in one day?! Make them last a few days, for fuck's sake."

But this book is like my favorite meal.  When placed in front of me, I want to devour it and savour it. I'm starving and yet I want to taste every word. It is filet mignon: juicy, tender and full of flavor. Foer's words roll around in my mouth and in my brain and I never want him to stop writing. But I'm reading it as if it were Taco Bell: quickly, and without thinking.

Dad, I will try to make this last a few days, for fuck's sake.

Hitler has to Desk Warm

Perhaps the greatest thing to hit the ROK since Kickin' it in Guemchon. (Which, btw, was THE anthem of 2008.)  Thanks, Casey.


And also, I was completely unaware of the "pristine beaches of Bangkok." Must have missed those my last time through.

Ashley Kwan: Like Kim Yuna, but with more personality

No, this child has not been sucking on Otter Pops all morning, she's like this EVERY DAY.  Also, this vid was taken around 9:30AM on a field trip day. That's why everyone's got their super special Ajumma Visors on.



Also, moms is coming to visit her spawn in Korea this November.  116 days and counting. One more reason I can't wait for summer to be o.v.e.r.

Wigs, Wizards, and Jacob Black's Abs

At the movie theater, waiting to see Eclipse: We Spent Our Entire Budget on Bella's Wig and Had Nothing Leftover for the Peons.


Me: Ahh, I can't wait for Harry Potter.  BTW, why in the hell does Lithuania have a release date for Deathly Hallows and Korean's got nothing?!
Casey: Because Hogwarts is really close to Lithuania.

And later:


Casey: Mindy -- oh my god... *giggles uncontrollably*
Me: (groggily) What? I was just resting my eyes.  I heard everything.
Casey: I should have known you were asleep. You were quiet for, like, the last ten minutes.

(I have an extremely low tolerance for cheese and have an uncontrollable need to narrate, asshole-style, when the cheese-factor reaches epidemic levels.  Which it did.)

And later still, after Jacob's valiant attempts to battle the vampire Blah Blah (I have no recollection of names here, people) find him with multiple cracked ribs, writhing in pain.   The gang is gathered outside Jake's house, waiting for word from Father Cullen.


Me: Doesn't this remind you of when Baby's dad went to check on Penney after she got that really horrible abortion and everyone was waiting around the cabin to see if she was gonna, like, live?
Casey: Go take off that make-up. You look like a whore.

Aren't movies fun?